Undercover Undead

I know I can’t be the only zombie schlepping around in the land of the living. I know what you’re thinking. No, people who don’t get enough coffee or go to work hungover – or drunk – or live like automatons don’t count. So why haven’t I met any other zombies?

Well, we don’t exactly advertise, do we? Flaring eye whites, screaming, running  away – remember? Still, I kinda thought I’d be able to tell. You know, with an innate zombie sense – like spidey sense. That might mean there aren’t any other zombies in the vicinity. No biggie. Or it might mean there’s no innate zombie sense. That’d suck.

Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any S&S zombies in more than a year. They’re pretty rare anyway. That’s why you never heard about any. The reports I could find on the internet – the reliable ones anyway, if there is such a thing – were skeptical and low key. Some “unconfirmed claim” by some crazy guy  mentally ill person weirdo that they’d seen a “Zombie” in some forest/remote location/abandoned barn, and lived!

Ha! Were you imagining a herd of S&S zombies schlumping through NYC wreaking havoc and taking over? Grow up. Besides, they’re not nearly as gory looking as in the movies. You’d probably just think they’d been homeless for ages and were off their meds. Most people wouldn’t give ’em a second look.

I only ever saw one, and I sure didn’t tell anybody about it. She was coming toward me, but she tripped over a tree root, fell, and broke her skull open on a rock. Not much of a threat. I read that some cyclist and his dog discovered the body. The cops concluded she had been climbing the tree and fell. Yeah, that makes sense. I guess they figured she’d been homeless for ages and was off her meds.

All I can hope is that my zombie sense just hasn’t had any reason to tingle – yet. Until it does, I’ll remain Romero Russo, Undercover Zombie.

Undercover Romero Russo
Romero Russo, Double-Oh-Zed

 

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Undercover Undead

  1. Okay. Thanks for that. I don’t mean to nitpick, but I feel I should point out my soul and I are not dead. We are undead. That’s not even “mostly dead”, so I’m don’t think even Miracle Max could help.

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  2. Well, thanks for that. And just to be clear: My soul and I are not dead. We are merely undead, which is not even “mostly dead”. I am aware I’m probably the only one who cares about the differences.

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